The years prior to adulthood get complicated. Most of you know that. There’s this whirlwind of confusion and doubt crawls into your mind when you have to make a decision. Like now. We just moved a few weeks ago, and I’m having to sort my priorities. On one hand I have my art, blog, and future hopes of doing those as a living. On the other hand I need a job, so I can start learning to be responsible with money, and excelling in my education. What I really want to do is art. If I could plummet myself into art and blogging and just try my very hardest to make THAT my job, I would. What happens if I fail though? Then I would have wasted a lot of time.
So basically, there are these nagging voices. One is saying “Devote your free time to art!” and the other says “Art is unstable and I should devote my time to academics and become a coder or a lawyer or something.” Not that I would quit school for art-actually I take that back, I would, but I won’t (not that I could anyway…). I’m not that stupid. In fact the latter voice gained so much traction earlier this week that I almost quit writing and art, because well, I didn’t think I could do it or that it would be worth it if I did. Hard thing 6: Not quitting.
Thus my torn mind, emotions, and ideas wandered through my hand into my pencil and onto paper. They are not meant to be the before mentioned voices, just the emotions they create: Depression, Confusion, and Anger. I Have named this illustration “A Mind Divided” because that’s what it is.
I realize that I keep forgetting why I make art. I make art, not to be famous or “successful”, but because I love to do it. I like using the gift and passion God gave me, and I realize that any time I spend trying is not wasted, but that it is time spent both in enjoyment and gaining experience in life. If I worry incessantly about it then it defeats the purpose of creating it.
I know this knowledge doesn’t make the decisions I need to make, but it does help me remember why I am making them.
I wont quit. Not right now anyway, and if I ever do need to shift my priorities from making art for a living (or just trying to) then I can. While adolescence can be hard because you are young, it also means that you have time and energy to mess up as many times as you need to. So even if I don’t ever become a full time artist I’ll have plenty of time to regroup.
I know this post got a bit rambly, but I hope that if you are going through the same thing, or went through the same thing, then this was inspiring.